hysterical + comfort

Only one thing is helping me right now, and it’s free

Hiya friends (and friends I haven't met yet),

Before I dive into today's newsletter (which gets a bit raw, just a heads up), I’m thrilled to share our next bookprty is happening! For those new to a little laugh, bookprty is club for all paid subscribers of a little laugh. We read books and then meet up virtually with the authors to talk gossip and ambition and books. For those who missed our last event, I received multiple it "the most fun online event I've ever attended" (!!). We handed out Sephora gift cards, someone literally SCREAMED when I dropped some literary gossip, and the conversation went places I never expected in the absolute best way. And I’m thrilled to announce next months pick: Hysterical by

Elissa Bassist

on Sunday, April 6th.

HYSTERICAL is funny (duh) essays about Elissa’s experience as a woman in this political age- how we allow ourselves to be loud and sharp and full of rage, and not, well, lose our minds (or murder the men who minimize any of it). If you like official reviews, here’s a little taste: SEMI-FINALIST FOR THE 2023 THURBER PRIZE FOR AMERICAN HUMOR • “A fiery cultural critique.” —Kirkus Reviews • “…a powerful, beautifully written, and utterly important book.”—New York Journal of Books (YES I TOLD YOU ITS GOOD.)

If you're wondering how to join in on this magic (and I hope you are), becoming a paid subscriber to "a little laugh" is your golden ticket via the button below. Not only do you get access to all bookprty events, but you're also directly supporting my work as a writer. (This newsletter is my primary income, which still feels both terrifying and wonderful to type out loud.)

If you're already a paid subscriber: THANK YOU. Seriously. Your support means everything.

If you're considering it: I'd love to have you join us. The bookprty community is something special, and I saved you a seat. xx- K

COMFORT NOT CARE

I have been having a Hard Time. My very loud mom is very quiet, on hospice with dementia. My very loud and funny friend Jenny died. I have been managing, kind of—meals are made (not cooked, but that's as per usual), I'm logging into my zooms with my red lipstick on, everyone is where they are supposed to be (not a small feat).

she’s wearing lipstick, so she’s kind of functioning?

But I have the sensation of being pierced, a few times a day. Every time, I'm surprised when my hands find my knees. I immediately have two thoughts: 1— "Wow, okay, this is a REAL cry, go off, girl" and 2— "I did not know sadness could physically hurt like THIS." I get my tissues, I do my breathing, I check to make sure I have a few minutes before my next meeting, and I let myself cry.

This is not my normal state. I'm new to this feelings shit, after a few years of therapy and dealing with the trauma that made me not feel feelings. The last few years I’ve practiced, and I’ve learned to feel my feelings (I know this sounds like Sesame Street, I’m sorry.) This approach, actually feeling things, felt very smart until people I loved started dying, and now I'm like, WTF, THIS FEELINGS SHIT IS A BAD IDEA. Honestly, I hate it. Add to the fact that I stopped drinking alcohol a few years ago, so now I truly have to feel it all.

It is, truly, awful. But there has been one tiny, shocking change that has helped, just a tiny bit, but a tiny bit feels like a lot right now.