I absolutely loved this—every word of it. How I wish I could’ve been there to hear you deliver the speech in person. Did you write it down? Will you share it? I hope so. I can’t be the only one who’d love to read the full thing—the excerpt you posted strikes such a thoughtful, necessary tone.
What moved me most, though, was how compassionately you speak about the men in your community—knowing they are capable of more and asking (and expecting) that they will show up.
I normally wouldn’t circle back to my own work in a comment - but this post *honestly* reminded me of the book I wrote about last week on my own Substack—a romance featuring one of the most realistic male characters I’ve come across in a long time. He was flawed but trying, and the author rendered him with such evident care that you could feel the presence of good men in her life—men she trusted, believed in, and maybe wrote toward.
As the mother of a son, I’m grateful for you. Grateful for her. Grateful for anyone willing to hold up a vision of what our men can be—and ask them to reach for it. <3.
You weren’t yelling that day. Truly. What I heard was a strong, reasonable woman inviting the men in our community to join us in the annoying-but-awesome work of co-creating said community. If they heard yelling, it was their consciences, not your tone.
Thank you for this. Last week I found myself in the position of being the only person at our field club who was willing to make a public stink about a child safety issue. In the course of 72 hours I had a meeting with the president (who tried initially to only speak with my husband) in which I calmly stated my opinion and then not so calmly stated my opinion until I was actually yelling and demanding change. And then when another man tried to yada yada the issue to me the next day I stood my ground and said the same thing and, while polite, I refused to shake his hand to make him feel better because god dammit I was not letting him off the hook. Anyway, I had a few hours of "omg what have I done" thoughts (not gonna lie), but then a bunch of people started telling me how much they admired the stand I took (including the president I yelled at the day before) and honestly, I think being brave in public helps others be brave and stand up too. And while national politics is currently making me feel impotent, we can't forget there is a lot we can do on the local level if we are not afraid to stand up and name injustice in our everyday lives.
100 times yes! Bravo to you for doing this. I was infuriated earlier this year to discover our school P&C (Australia’s PTA) is all mums, and aside from organising EVERYTHING, mums also had to organise and “man” the Mother’s Day gift stall. When I ask dads why they aren’t in the class group chats - they say it’s because it’s annoying - I’m like YEAH IT’S HELL. do you think we want to be in there? NO! But it’s gotta be done. You don’t just get to opt out.
Sourcing the gifts, remembering to give kids $10 each to spend in cash in a ziplock bag, AND working on the stall. Then accepting the gifts as if you didn’t ORCHESTRATE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING 😵💫
"Do you think only women have to do annoying work?"
Everyone seems to have bought into this expectation and it drives me nuts! It's true for kid stuff and also at work! Why is it always women doing the committee work, the thankless work that is in service of students or junior department members? If/when men do it, they usually do a bad job--which is then rewarded by people taking their role and giving it to women?
Also, if a man got heated and made a call to action, I can almost guarantee no one would have thought twice. It sucks that the challenge of being a woman is exacerbated by then being made to feel bad for asking for the basics.
Good on you for saying something and inspiring the rest of us!
OF COURSE it was a MIL who complained about you. I run 2 big fundraisers for our PTA and it's always the boomer grandmas who have the audacity to email me complaints - to me, a volunteer who is volunteering her time to raise money for classroom supplies because her generation voted to cut school funding to the bone! I do confess, though, to enjoying crafting a perky, highly passive aggressive response to said emails. Sometimes we gotta let the bitch out.
The other day my kids asked “mom why are you yelling” and I said “BECAUSE, when I speak quietly, NO ONE LISTENS!” And this would be my answer to anyone asking why is that woman yelling 😁
It does not surprise me that it was a MIL asking why you were yelling. It makes me sad that the older generation grew up feeling so inferior that they don't understand how to support women standing up and changing the status quo. Yelling at men is sometimes all we have. Proud of you for speaking up and gently encouraging those men to get with the fucking program.
I just want to say (loudly, you might say I'm yelling) a big FUCK OFFFFFF to the person who asked, "Why is that woman yelling?" I don't have patience for weaponized incompetence. We (you) are having to clean up this mess (the PTA) thanks to this person's decades of allowing men (as a collective) to do the bare minimum or less. ANYWAY.
I absolutely loved this—every word of it. How I wish I could’ve been there to hear you deliver the speech in person. Did you write it down? Will you share it? I hope so. I can’t be the only one who’d love to read the full thing—the excerpt you posted strikes such a thoughtful, necessary tone.
What moved me most, though, was how compassionately you speak about the men in your community—knowing they are capable of more and asking (and expecting) that they will show up.
I normally wouldn’t circle back to my own work in a comment - but this post *honestly* reminded me of the book I wrote about last week on my own Substack—a romance featuring one of the most realistic male characters I’ve come across in a long time. He was flawed but trying, and the author rendered him with such evident care that you could feel the presence of good men in her life—men she trusted, believed in, and maybe wrote toward.
As the mother of a son, I’m grateful for you. Grateful for her. Grateful for anyone willing to hold up a vision of what our men can be—and ask them to reach for it. <3.
Thank you so much for these kind words, Serena! I really, really do believe in their goodness.
You weren’t yelling that day. Truly. What I heard was a strong, reasonable woman inviting the men in our community to join us in the annoying-but-awesome work of co-creating said community. If they heard yelling, it was their consciences, not your tone.
Thank you for this, Erin. Very much.
Thank you for this. Last week I found myself in the position of being the only person at our field club who was willing to make a public stink about a child safety issue. In the course of 72 hours I had a meeting with the president (who tried initially to only speak with my husband) in which I calmly stated my opinion and then not so calmly stated my opinion until I was actually yelling and demanding change. And then when another man tried to yada yada the issue to me the next day I stood my ground and said the same thing and, while polite, I refused to shake his hand to make him feel better because god dammit I was not letting him off the hook. Anyway, I had a few hours of "omg what have I done" thoughts (not gonna lie), but then a bunch of people started telling me how much they admired the stand I took (including the president I yelled at the day before) and honestly, I think being brave in public helps others be brave and stand up too. And while national politics is currently making me feel impotent, we can't forget there is a lot we can do on the local level if we are not afraid to stand up and name injustice in our everyday lives.
Kristen, this is so wonderful. Just....not yielding. YES.
100 times yes! Bravo to you for doing this. I was infuriated earlier this year to discover our school P&C (Australia’s PTA) is all mums, and aside from organising EVERYTHING, mums also had to organise and “man” the Mother’s Day gift stall. When I ask dads why they aren’t in the class group chats - they say it’s because it’s annoying - I’m like YEAH IT’S HELL. do you think we want to be in there? NO! But it’s gotta be done. You don’t just get to opt out.
NO. NO SARA I AM SCREAMING. MUMS MANNING THE MOTHERS DAY TABLE.
Sourcing the gifts, remembering to give kids $10 each to spend in cash in a ziplock bag, AND working on the stall. Then accepting the gifts as if you didn’t ORCHESTRATE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING 😵💫
An absolute charade, wtf
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!
So inspired by this!
thank you, Amelia ♥️♥️
Oh my god this is so so true:
"Do you think only women have to do annoying work?"
Everyone seems to have bought into this expectation and it drives me nuts! It's true for kid stuff and also at work! Why is it always women doing the committee work, the thankless work that is in service of students or junior department members? If/when men do it, they usually do a bad job--which is then rewarded by people taking their role and giving it to women?
Also, if a man got heated and made a call to action, I can almost guarantee no one would have thought twice. It sucks that the challenge of being a woman is exacerbated by then being made to feel bad for asking for the basics.
Good on you for saying something and inspiring the rest of us!
Thank you!! It's annoying work! Someone has to do it! It's not less annoying to women!!!
OF COURSE it was a MIL who complained about you. I run 2 big fundraisers for our PTA and it's always the boomer grandmas who have the audacity to email me complaints - to me, a volunteer who is volunteering her time to raise money for classroom supplies because her generation voted to cut school funding to the bone! I do confess, though, to enjoying crafting a perky, highly passive aggressive response to said emails. Sometimes we gotta let the bitch out.
The other day my kids asked “mom why are you yelling” and I said “BECAUSE, when I speak quietly, NO ONE LISTENS!” And this would be my answer to anyone asking why is that woman yelling 😁
It does not surprise me that it was a MIL asking why you were yelling. It makes me sad that the older generation grew up feeling so inferior that they don't understand how to support women standing up and changing the status quo. Yelling at men is sometimes all we have. Proud of you for speaking up and gently encouraging those men to get with the fucking program.
I just want to say (loudly, you might say I'm yelling) a big FUCK OFFFFFF to the person who asked, "Why is that woman yelling?" I don't have patience for weaponized incompetence. We (you) are having to clean up this mess (the PTA) thanks to this person's decades of allowing men (as a collective) to do the bare minimum or less. ANYWAY.
Proud of u